10 August 2010

Make Over-Style By Jesus! Relive My Passion! Part 2

'There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.'

The bible passage on "A time for everything" in Ecclesiasttes 3:4 has a very significant meaning especially as I grow and being made over and style by Jesus. I love this particular passage and it was a piece I used in my drama exam. I reflected: what does each time mean to me and how I will resonate each word in it? Looking at it today, every single activity has reflected a time of my growth as a person in body, mind, emotion and spirit. In part 1, I wrote on 3 elements on voice, feelings and body. In part 2, I will relate to the passage here on how Jesus has transformed, changed and moulded me, into an educator, into a wife, into a dance therapist.

'A time to be born and a time to die'
~ I was born, not a pretty baby but with wrinkles all over my face and body, this is how my mum would always share about my birth. Being under nourished, I was often a sickly child with constant medication of antibotics. Often than not, I would get sinus with migraine and also bad cases of eczema. My mum was very strict with my diet. The early years of influence of my mum have actually plays a part in my later life. It is easy for me to advocate a healthy eating lifestyle. After I have turned to herbal medicine by Sebastian Liew and a change of certain diet and detox, I hardly have sinus and eczema for more than 10 years. I was born with them but they die when I take the steps to a better healthy living and taking care of my body. My body is renewed. Focusing on food alone is not enough. When I underwent training as a dance therapist, self-care is one of the main part of knowing my body, learning to nurse and be kind to my body, not to beat my body up, to listen and attune to the signals of tiredness, pain, aches...that my body will tell me. I have developed a close relationship with my own body, and not to take it for granted.

'A time to plant and a time to uproot'
 ~ The movie 'Inception' based on how a new idea is planted into the unconscious state of mind and uproots what is present and alter the thoughts through the different stages of dreams, going into layers and layers of the state of sub-conscious and unconscious mind, having to deal with the unknown projections of the person. I find this movie provoking a lot of thoughts and reflections. During my study, I have discovered how the state of my mind has been planted. And it also came a time where I have to 'uproot', that is, reconstructing the negative aspect of my thoughts and beliefs during the discovery and process in my personal therapy (part of my training). I came to have a deeper understanding and insight of who I am, where I am coming from and what caused me to be stuck in the rut. Having living in the comfort zone of holding onto the past for many years, when it was time to uproot, work on it and let it go, it was not an easy journey. However, the mind is renewed and it takes time to fill them with new positive thoughts, thus inception takes place, a new idea is being planted. And my mind is rewired.

'A time to kill and a time to heal'
~ This has many similarities to the writing above. To 'kill off' what doesn't belong and to heal the wounds and mend the wounded scars in the heart. It takes time and time does heal. I took time to mend my broken wounded heart. My heart is made whole again with stitches, threading them together and putting the heart back as a whole piece. Each scar carries a tale of my personal life story and when the thread gets lose or snaps, I nurse it by listening to them and take time to mend the tear with a loving stitch and let the time heal the wound. I don't push it away but embraces when it comes, the tears, the pain, the brokenness, the anger, the fear, the guilt... this is part and parcel of a human heart. Comes the joy, comes the tears, comes the love, comes the hurt...What I learnt is to embrace, listen, express, nurse and not to ignore, push it away  or suppress it. Each time I nurse, the wound gets smaller and soon the heart may be covered with lots of thread but the heart is contained and filled with love of nursing.

'A time to tear down and a time to build'
~ In the past, I tear myself down till nothing was left. Confidence scattered. Self-esteem shattered. Never would I ever thought I could build myself up again. I was a very good student and did fairly well, however, I would always tear myself down during the final main exam like PSLE, O and A Level. I was not good enough. I was stupid. I beat myself up. As in Part 1, I shared the break through came after my drama exam. From there, I slowly came out of my nut shell and slowly I found my innate gifts. Soon I followed my passion of my dreams. Never would I ever dream that I would become a dance/movement therapist, my first ever childhood passion - dance.  The period of tearing myself down was long enough and it's time to build myself up. If I would to use it in a positive aspect, I tear down what I believe I could not do and give myself the chance and opportunity again to build what I believe I have and I can do and good in. It takes patience and time to build just like a builder lays its foundation of the house. It has taken me years of training from the day I started my study in drama, teaching then now to being a therapist. Each pillar forms the strong foundation of the house.

'A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance'
~ A season of tears, a season of laughter, a season to rejoice, a season to mourn. I share the tears, joy, laughter not only with my family, my soulmate but also with my clients. Moments of where tears are shed, moments of where laughter fills the room, moments of mourning over the lost of a loved one, or mourning to dying to your old self and letting it go, moments where victory reigns, a time to rejoice in overcoming of barriers, a time to laugh and have fun, not afraid of being a free child again. I love this intangible thing called, 'Heart, Feelings, Emotions'. Without them, life is so dull, without them, human would be like robots. I allow myself to cry, giving myself permission to mourn, and dance where the body feels the beats, laugh like a child when it tickles me.

I will continue the other part of sharing in Part 3.
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